just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
