It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize