I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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