i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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