dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
