she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
