All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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