I must be too annoying 4 u.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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