May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
