Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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