entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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