So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
