I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
