a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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