we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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