He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
