But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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