Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
