My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Randomize
