Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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