I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
