She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
His hands were made for my vagina.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
