I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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