Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize