Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
