he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
