YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
