Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
