I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
