there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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