She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
