At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
