just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
