A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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