Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
