So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
