**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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