I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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