Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
