apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
