Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
