he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
