nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
