I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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