They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
