It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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