I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
