Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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