I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
