My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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