No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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