If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
