I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
