Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
These tits shall not be calmed
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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