sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
