hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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