U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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