could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
