remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
