Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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