Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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