I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
