im drinking this country out of the recession.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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