I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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