I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
