You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
