I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
