my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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