Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
