I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
