don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
