I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize