Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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