My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize