honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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