Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
