remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
