I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
