not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Fuck appropriateness.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
