Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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