Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just forgot I was standing up.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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