I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
