i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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