I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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