I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
