i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
