You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
