I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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