Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
