I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
