I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
