The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
