im drinking this country out of the recession.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize