well you can't waste a boner
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
