Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
