you told grandpa to call you daddy
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
