We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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